GRANDMOTHER... Where to begin... My grandmother is the craziest woman I have ever encountered in my entire life... For starters, she's manic as a mother fucker... One moment, she will be bitching at about school or my hair, and they next, she will withdraw into this four-year-old voice and repeat "I love you. You know I love you, honey." Ten seconds later. "You stupid bitch! You want your daddy to die, don't you?" She's straight up, the craziest person I know... She rambles constantly... "Your aunts a bitch... Your brother's a loser... Your dad's a drunk..." She's not happy unless she's complaining... She loves to compare me to people too... "Your cousin is very tall and beautiful, Wendy. One day, you might grow, Wendy." What the Hell's that supposed to mean? "Wendy, you're mother was a whore, you know. You know it's in your genes." What the fuck? Since when is the "whore trait", a gene? God damn, she's stupid as the fuck... Of course, to hear her tell it, she's the most intelligent person in Georgia... For example, my grandmother does not know how to turn her computer ON, much less use it... but she likes to bitch at other people... "What the Hell? What do you mean you don't know what software means? Even I know that.." ... Ooh... like she thinks that's an accomplishment... OOhh.. I know what software is... but I still don't know how the fuck to turn the damn thing on... And she thinks she a doctor... Know why?... cause she's a freakin' hypochondriac... she's got more fucking medications that a fucking pharmacy... "Ooh, Wendy, look that medication gave me a rash... Let me take another to counteract that one... That medication makes me naucious..." Know why bitch? Maybe cause you just chugged a gallon of chocolate ice cream in nine minutes... Maybe that's it, huh? "Look Wendy, an imaginary aunt bit me. Now my hand is swelling up. I know. I'll take a Benedryl, cause I'm only happy when I'm taking something. Oh wait. Benedryl makes me thirsty. Let me go eat more ice-cream so I can be nauseous...".. Ooh, and my personal favorite is the "Look at that fat woman" discussion... Now, my grandmother is no small woman, but she has convinced herself that everyone who's obese is larger than her. And of course, her favorite phrase, "I may not be losing weight, but I'm losing inches." Hmm... now does that make sense to anyone? Now, let's say for example that she lost inches in her waste, but she didn't lose weight... Then tell me.... where the fuck did those other inches go? Her legs? Jesus, she makes no fucking sense. Please, please... if you ever encounter this woman... run... run far far away....